On Grammar

This semester has been relatively writing intense. With 4 softy business courses, one would expect nothing less. The point is though that I found myself editing SO much bad grammar that it was almost exhausting. Some factors that contributed to this:

- Apparently, most people have terrible grammar.

- Apparently, some people do not agree with what I consider good grammar.

- which, given my lack of sufficient self confidence, causes me to question myself and my faith in ze Grammar Godz

- which, after much hair-pulling, results in my realizing that I was right all along.

- Lastly, I’m anal about grammar / style / formatting

I think this is one of the few things (HAHA) that I am OCD about. (<- see there, I really want to write “…about which I am OCD” but that’s not proper colloquial lingo =/)

I like experimenting with language and grammar (mostly english, I dont know any other language well enough to play) because I see a lot of possibility to make things sound better, express more vividly, etc. I dont really see it as work so much as play… though it does give me stress sometimes. One of my youthful aspirations (of which youth is no longer a factor) was to be an editor. I know right, a TOTALLY explosive occupation. I can’t really recall now (youth was so long ago), but maybe it was during the same time as my aspirations for creating writing began (i.e. being an author, of fantasy novels of all things).

I think a part of me still holds those thoughts, in the back of my mind when the vivid-vague universe resurfaces during times quiet or darkness. Some analysis to be done here for good measure, and since I’m bored:

One of the many problems that blocked me from producing a proper story is I am anal about style and grammar and tend to crouch over a sentence for an obscene amount of time, enough time for all other thoughts and progressions to fade before crystalizing.

Another problem that I found was my voices cannot often be distinguished. What I mean here is that when I have multiple characters, obviously with different backgrounds and personalities and purposes, often speak and think in the same voice. Well, obviously I created all of them so my fingerprints are all over their psyche, but even when they start out quite differently I find their thoughts to all converge at some point and hence pushes me onto a path of retrieval to go back to the point of convergence and bring back the story’s authenticity. This is often hard and time consuming, even in the lightspeed of my mind. And consequently discouraging.

It is hard, and frustrating, and I feel the growing voices in my mind impatient and standing in a white space, unmoving as I am unwilling and they unready. At least this is what I perceive.

Sigh, I guess this post isn’t really on grammar, but on the white space within it.

I shall draw first – my first love, and deal with words later.

-L