On Grammar

This semester has been relatively writing intense. With 4 softy business courses, one would expect nothing less. The point is though that I found myself editing SO much bad grammar that it was almost exhausting. Some factors that contributed to this:

- Apparently, most people have terrible grammar.

- Apparently, some people do not agree with what I consider good grammar.

- which, given my lack of sufficient self confidence, causes me to question myself and my faith in ze Grammar Godz

- which, after much hair-pulling, results in my realizing that I was right all along.

- Lastly, I’m anal about grammar / style / formatting

I think this is one of the few things (HAHA) that I am OCD about. (<- see there, I really want to write “…about which I am OCD” but that’s not proper colloquial lingo =/)

I like experimenting with language and grammar (mostly english, I dont know any other language well enough to play) because I see a lot of possibility to make things sound better, express more vividly, etc. I dont really see it as work so much as play… though it does give me stress sometimes. One of my youthful aspirations (of which youth is no longer a factor) was to be an editor. I know right, a TOTALLY explosive occupation. I can’t really recall now (youth was so long ago), but maybe it was during the same time as my aspirations for creating writing began (i.e. being an author, of fantasy novels of all things).

I think a part of me still holds those thoughts, in the back of my mind when the vivid-vague universe resurfaces during times quiet or darkness. Some analysis to be done here for good measure, and since I’m bored:

One of the many problems that blocked me from producing a proper story is I am anal about style and grammar and tend to crouch over a sentence for an obscene amount of time, enough time for all other thoughts and progressions to fade before crystalizing.

Another problem that I found was my voices cannot often be distinguished. What I mean here is that when I have multiple characters, obviously with different backgrounds and personalities and purposes, often speak and think in the same voice. Well, obviously I created all of them so my fingerprints are all over their psyche, but even when they start out quite differently I find their thoughts to all converge at some point and hence pushes me onto a path of retrieval to go back to the point of convergence and bring back the story’s authenticity. This is often hard and time consuming, even in the lightspeed of my mind. And consequently discouraging.

It is hard, and frustrating, and I feel the growing voices in my mind impatient and standing in a white space, unmoving as I am unwilling and they unready. At least this is what I perceive.

Sigh, I guess this post isn’t really on grammar, but on the white space within it.

I shall draw first – my first love, and deal with words later.

-L

On what to spend money?

With the incoming work term, believe it or not, I realized my budget is about to get tighter. Rent is always a big cost. And food – even if I cook at home – which I feel is going to be a predominant source (for better, I hope). But looking at the things I have, I feel like I need to spend some money on some items:

Things I need for the winter term:

- good sketchpad, and find my pencils, or get really awesome black pens ;D

- still need a good, comfy pair of shoes – BEFORE my current pair dies permanently – the front has already completely discoloured and become grey

- probably more work clothes… honestly do not know what people wear at work =/

- bring vacuum cleaner >.>

- bathroom filter

- a chair/bean bag for alternate sitting/put clothes on station XD

 

Things I want soon:

- computer sketch pad – if I want to get into some design, useful for colouring – which I still haven’t decided yet

- a new phone… BEFORE the impending death of my current one – the back of the phone can no longer close properly <= THAT is a sign! =/

- depending on the phone I get, need better music player

 

Other stuff I can’t think of at the moment

-L

A Sketch A Day Keeps The Sanity At Bay

I know I wrote about 30 days of whatever challenge in the winter term to be accomplished in the last 6 months or so.

Well we all know that didn’t happen – definitely not under time constraint considering how tragically eventless this term has been – although admittedly last semester was quite busy.

ANYWAY, enough of that. It was about new/newish things I wanted to try out and have the discipline to continue for a month at a time. But, I guess I realized maybe I should start with things I like to do and see if I can develop those little bits of skill I have over a longer period of time.

So lo and behold: I challenge myself to sketch something for each day of the Winter 2011 term (need to upgrade sketching pad). So roughly 120 sketches should be produced by the end of the semester. I think a sketch (sans pencil outlining first) would take about a solid hour. So an hour a day to do something I like doesn’t seem that intense, does it? I can fit in my classes and other fun stuff =] To do is to live, ya?

I guess I should put some outlines here, not so much to constrain myself but to know where the lines are if I so want to brush past them:

1) Small sketches, not full 8 by 11, although this reminds me I need to get a good solid sketching pad soon. Using my IDC writing pad will last for now (while I sketch anyway for fun XD)

2) No pencil outlines, unless I want to do the drawing in pencil only. And unless I want to do a more formal drawing, and not a sketch

3) Try to use only one utensil, like how I’m currently trying out my staedtler triplus roller (by no means an artist’s pen) just for fun. Anything that makes a mark can be used. Perhaps try other mediums – but don’t get fancy at the base.

4) Use drawings already existent (online or print). Unless I want to get creative. This is a drawing exercise, creativity can chill this term =) Maybe at the end I can draw more character-based, from-my-head drawings if I want to get shifty.

5) Forget drawing classes. Hip hop and night classes are enough to worry about – oh and swimming, gotta get ready for dem beaches (getting off topic but that’s okay)

Happy drawing!

-L

Unnecessary Stress at Night

Last night word got around in our class (at midnight) that the marketing report was due the following day, where the original deadline was 2 days away. Lo and behold the world went up in chaos. Everyone freaked out. Some went through all-nighters, some ragequit (like me) because of lack of manpower and not giving a shit.

The next day, the prof apologized because he wrote the wrong date or something… like seriously?

This level of carelessness is detrimental to student psyche. Today was also the prof eval day – and for the very few people that actually showed up to his abysmally boring class and listened to his rant (I was not one – conscious decision at 9am), they were gifted with the rare opportunity to violently object to his prof-ism and exact absolutely no change in the administration (re: bill zou for actsc231 last semester).

Anyway, my point here in this short rant is that the quality of our professors at UW were starting to suck in 3rd year – with bill zou, and peter balka before for stat230 but in general they were decent.

However, at Laurier, this semester, all profs were terrible, except for maybe the HR prof – he seem to care and is charismatic and I go to his class – so that shows something.

Marketing prof – boring and disrespectful and disorganized and don’t know what the hell he’s doing.

Ops prof – cannot understand a word he’s saying. I’ll blame the accent.

Finance prof – self-centered bastard who makes you pay $90 for an online textbook that has 0 resale value (so guess what? I’m learning from textbook and ditched all his classes since first week =P)

On the UW side: CS330 prof – tries but dang just reads material… honestly attention span this semester has went to hell.

Even if I get decent marks this semester, I’ll know it didn’t come from motivation and it certainly didn’t come from the quality of these profs.

Good luck to me for finals! (and the 3 projects due this wednesday… fun)

-L

Procrastinating Methods

- look up breakfast recipes at wee hours of the night (possibly aided by late night hunger)

- look at webcomix. namely SMBC on repeat random.

- watch the same youtube mvs over and over –_-

- writing this blog

-L

Need to Stop Getting Into Things…

…that don’t result in any productivity, i.e. pointless, time-wasting, emotionally-exhausting ventures that don’t amount to anything but bad feelings and unnecessary tension.

Life is too short to dwell on unhappy thoughts.

Stop being a psychiatrist and analyze everything and get into the nitty-gritty of stuff that are between others. How would I do this if people come to me for help and ventilation (I don’t know if this actually works out in meaning but I’m going with it).

I am weak against denying people help, and sometimes things come too close for comfort and I really don’t want to deal with it, too tired to deal with it, see no point in dealing with it, just would not be beneficial to my general mental health to deal with it, so I need to make myself stop dealing with it.

Maybe I should psychoanalyze myself in such situations and define first and foremost what I want, in the selfish sense. Would it benefit me in any way to deal with something that doesn’t directly affect me? And if not, then why do I want to get into things? People are shifty creatures; it is impossible to know with certainty, or within well-defined error bars, what one may think, how one may feel, and how one may react. In fact, it can have a negative impact on me if I get involved.

So why do I do it? Do I want to help? Do I care so much? I hope that is not the case, because it only shows more weakness, and a new level of masochism I don’t need right now.

Why can’t everyone just be happy, accept each other, and get along.

There’s no point in being emotionally invested in such interactions. Honestly, what is wrong with just being simple, expect simplicity,  and just enjoy life and each other’s presence and differences?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

I should stop over-complicating things in ::cough:: the other aspect of my life too –_- Just Do It – Nike.

-L

K-Pop Music – Why I Dig It

Just to justify to myself. Which I really don’t need. I’m just bored and it’s late and … I have nothing better to do? XD

- I can’t understand the lyrics, so any crappiness in that department (of which there are plenty instances I’m sure) will be blissfully ignored

- usually have very catchy english snippets (that I sing over and over in between moments of silence to the annoyance of all present)

- the rhythm is awesome – usually in combination with instrumentals (if we’re talking ballad) or electronic beats (if we’re talking dance/regular pop)

- addictive

- the pop stars are funny (through variety shows that they populate) and cool looking (because the poppa companies don’t take no slackers … and pay a ridiculously amount of money to get them into latest trends: shave off one whole half of head, so there!)

- it’s asian. gotta love it.

- the female voices don’t sound as annoyingly high-pitched/cute as j-pop stars; I ignore chinese female singers because of the first point above

- the male voices don’t sound as strangely angry and coarse as the j-pop stars; I ignore chinese male singers because… they honestly can’t sing

- they dance, I like the routines

And finally, on an unrelated note:

J-Rock is Awesome.

-L

Lamenting

I am attempting to write once more. I figured I might as well try something to encourage the characters in my head to breathe for once, away from suffocating grey matter.

I saw this ad in MathNEWS from sci-fi club at UW about writing a 7500 word max story in the fantasy/sci-fi genre. The worlds in my head fall somewhat into that. I still harbour many of the same characters from so long ago, developed over long bus rides to and from school, and random snaps of vision while staring into white spaces.

I discovered that I can psychoanalyze myself using the stories and the characters; they express my fears, passions, failures, and hopes. Everything seem so developed in my head, until the inadequacy of words takes hold and when faced with a white (or whatever colour backgrounds I’ve tried) document, I am either slow, or writing in a mess of sporadic heat – with 0 grammar considerations and 0 style. I am only mad at the style.

I am also overly critical of my words, squinting at their feeble existence and willing unsuccessfully for them to be perfect, to be right, to fit with the developed vision in my mind’s eye. To breathe, essentially.

So I shall attempt to take on this writing contest – a small one not worthy noting, but good for practice and just getting a fraction of my worlds out there, onto a tangible surface.

Because my mind is translucent.

-L

Poppies

Happy Remembrance Day.

Politics aside, lest we forget about lost human lives.

-L

Trying out Windows Live Writer

So the other day I upgrade windows live messenger because I was intrigued by the link between the messenger and social media sites like Facebook – it took me a day of fiddling to get my Facebook chat onto messenger, but it was worth it. Now I’m permanently on Facebook… but only in so far as the updates and chatting goes, for anything more substantial (like note writing, no hating, Lisa, you were okay with it last December, I have another note to prove it, so not 8 years ago =P we were making html websites back then XD hehe) I would still have to go onto Facebook website interface, but I like the direction this partnership is going.

So, apparently upgrading live messenger added on some other programs, as expected from MS (whenever you download something, a whole slew of other “related” stuff are added as well, usually not too exciting). Mind you I had unchecked all the extra downloads, but apparently there are a few “mandatory” ones – like this live writer. It connects to blogs, like WordPress, but I’m used to blogger, so here I am. A lot of formatting is simplified, and I do appreciate the word count function. Content management, ftw. =D

Ooooo block quote is just a click away.

• lists are cool
• yes, they are

I think this will make blogging easier – since it links to my account without my having to sign in every time.

Oh pictures:

Yes I realize I’m using this as a filler image… everywhere. Meh I’ll get a new one soon.

Dude, is this an emoticon… bunnies =D

I can split posts too:

10 Ways To Good Health - as seen on a cup at a sushi restaurant

1. Less Alcohol, More Tea
2. Less Meat, More Vegetables
3. Less Salt, More Vinegar
4. Less Sugar, More Fruit
5. Less Eating, More Chewing
6. Less Words, More Action
7. Less Greed, More Giving
8. Less Worry, More Sleep
9. Less Driving, More Walking
10. Less Anger, More Laughter

<3
-L

Stop Caring About Black Marks on a Sheepskin Paper

Sheepskin paper is referred to as the diploma - it was briefly mentioned in one of my HR classes - no idea how it's relevant but I like the expression so I'm using it.

The other day I was setting up my course schedule for the next 3 years of university life. I was quite happy because I was able to fit CO math major with marketing concentration with psych minor without going too much overboard - have to take 2 courses in winter co-op term and 1 term has six courses - no biggie.

But then I heard about statistics courses related to survey design and experimental design, which are things I'm interested in... but I had always rejected stats other than the required courses for my degree because I hated probability.

I reviewed my course schedule and noticed a lot of the courses I'm taking are to satisfy a requirement, not because I'm interested in the course material - this applies to 50% of the psych minor courses.

I noticed for CO and marketing that the choices I picked are for courses I could find interesting/useful (mostly interesting, I don't much care about usefulness). So those 2 are going to stay, even though I am rather confuzzled on how CO is going to relate to what I do in the future - but who cares about that.

So I've decided to not do a psych minor - but still take social psych, social cognition, personality theory which are the courses I am still interested in.

I've also decided to take some design-based stat courses in order to help out my marketing research path.

But I just have to get rid of the mentality for having things written on my sheepskin paper in 3 years.

It's simply psychological.

-L

Double Down

Today I had a double down sandwich from KFC... I was expecting it to be gigantic and heart-attack-inducing. But no, it was tiny, extremely salty (only flavour detectable) and just overall disappointing.

I had a Tim Horton's iced cap afterward, so it compensated somewhat for the tragedy - I mean I went all the way to Conestoga mall for it -.-

There was good conversation though, so I don't regret. A lot of things need to be dealt with. I'm feeling worse and worse for not dealing with things directly - out of fear or just a long-term stability of ignoring and avoiding and doing nothing... letting it go on (No for once it's not about what you're thinking of).

There's no proper way of broaching the topic without major repercussions - and maybe I just don't care enough (Again not the thing you're thinking of - because I do care enough for that one - the handicap in that situation is a fundamentally different issue).

Let's see if there will be a final straw.

-L

This magnificent machine...

Yesterday afternoon I planned to study for a midterm tomorrow... Then either something I ate or just stress piling up, I got hit by the mother of all migraines. I tried to work but I had to lie down in darkness for 5 hours to alleviate the intensity. I missed Euchre, which I feel bad about, and did not accomplish much studying, for which I'm sure I'll feel the repercussions.

I just felt the truth in Feynman's words, about the importance of this magnificent machine to allow me to do so many things I love. I've had headaches before but never ones so intense as to constitute a migraine. This physical body needs to be protected, even if later on I want to do risky things that promise interesting results, but I would never want to put this machine in a kind of danger that I would regret.

Sigh. I hope I can make up for the time lost tomorrow.

-L

Back to basics.

Recently I considered spending a good few hours each month blogging for international development. The description of the role was to produce 1 blog entry every month dealing with current events, providing full references or videos for full impact.

I was looking at my calendar to set up some time when I realized: how can I blog in such a structured manner when I can't even drop off some random ideas on my own blog here.

I have been neglecting this blog, and I intent to right it here. There's a pun there.


Things have been busy lately with lots of club work, interviews, falling behind in coursework as usual. Also the usual lack of particular social interaction - I'm feeling older and older everyday.


But anyway, something I want to talk about today (I'm in marketing class - I hope he's not saying anything important):

All my interviews have been 30-45 min long, but I've always finished them at least 10 minutes before end time. Looking at the clock tick by at the end of their line of questioning is strangely frustrating - as I've said all I wanted to say but time tells me it wasn't enough. But the dam has closed. There's nothing I can do.

Should I repeat and reword? But it would simply agitate me more. Should I await the awkward silence? Of course, that doesn't help much with my anxiety level either.

Sigh - I can also never prepare for interviews properly - so I stop doing that altogether. I think only applying to jobs I want (i.e. marketing) which deals with topics I know and can ad lib about, makes it easier to ... well, bs. XD

Sigh I think not talking enough will end up debilitating for my job-hunt endeavour. I will attempt to change.


-L

351

I will face my laughter.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the laughter has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

From QC


-L

Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! + What Do YOU Care What Other People Think?

I've recently finished these two books by Richard Feynman (the first as suggested by Lisa) and it was quite an amazing read. I would say the first book is more for the general audience, while the second one is for people who have an interest in the Challenger disaster - or if you just want to "hear" Feynman talk... His humour and insight is quite awesome.

Some thoughts from these books:
- have integrity, which is a fundamental aspect of science, so of course Feynman stands by it. But I think his argument to infuse honesty into other fields (like business and politics, *gasp!) should be considered, though I often feel that innocence like that can no longer take root again as these aspects of society are generally already weed-infested =(
- Don't care about who you're talking to - who's giving you information, etc. because who they are shouldn't change the fact that they're being dumb (if indeed they are). Feynman is lucky to be gifted with not caring about social conventions.
- have fun!


-L

Things to Commit to Every Month

March 2010 - forfeited (I will blame my laziness for the last time), planning - okay, learn Do It Well dance bit XD

April 2010 - 30 days of hardcore guitar practice (nightly, 30 mins - 1 hour) - apparently didn't happen. XD

May 2010 - 31 days of PHP (in preparation for August too) - Nope. Def can't learn this dry lol

June 2010 - 30 days of exercise (visible, everyday exercise) DANCE DANCE DANCE XD - This is fun XD

July 2010 - 31 days of real studying. Let's try consistence for once.

August - September 2010 - exams + vacation (sorta) + school opening - reprieve - do random stuff as pleases - PHP practice too

October 2010 - 31 days of classic symphonies (I'll split into music periods: romantic, baroque, etc)

November 2010 - 30 days of celebrating Chenie's birthday =P and maybe... christmas? =P

December 2010 - 31 days of classic movies (20th century stuff - probably black and white)

2011...

-L

Planning some stuff out...

I want to flesh out when/why I want some stuff:

Laptop (staring at lenovo T series, but really just want a stable one)
- for stability of computing in w/e - regular use, web design, gaming (maybe)
- last till the end of uni (cuz acer is failing lol)

Drawing pad
- for some drawing projects I want to get on... (been in the head for too long though with too much changes so -.-)

Big headphones with speaker
- for zoning out, not urgent since I have regular earphones now (go bose ^^)

Yoga Mat and/or Ball
- for some exercises, I will never buy a machine-operated crap =[

Cat (~3 years old, black or white)
- for companionship, cuteness, and to take care of something (wow weird)
- when I live alone for extended time, I might start in the fall - depending on where I'm living (or after uni / last year of uni when I'm in school for whole year) Don't think parents will be thrilled about taking her in if/when I'm at some random far-away place (Lisa, wanna be godmother? XD)

Little Black Dress - for all purposes, whenever

... to be added

--
List of things in life:
mobile:
- one small medium suitcase worth of clothes (not incl winter jackets) - gonna start organizing this asap
- tooth brush, paste, floss, body wash/shampoo, facial wash, moisturizer (luv clinique), hair mousse (maybe, though I havent used it yet XD), curler for fun =D
- laptop (hopefully when I get a dependable one), mouse, drawing pad (mmm)
- stationary (pen, pencil, eraser, paper)
- yoga mat and/or ball
- Music in one, perhaps separate, harddrive organized, delete everything else - < 10GB (I'll lower this later)
- phone + music player (right now they're the same lol)
- bag (still need to get a stable one - current comp carrier is a tad BIG...), have handbag, wallet (<- make it so it nvr bulges)
non-mobile:
- books: hitch hiker's (still need to get these), sandman series (also need to get - when i have surplus money)
- my double bed
- cat and everything that entails - necessary: food, litter, food carriers, scratching post, nail clippers
- one very comfortable (ergonomic) chair
.. to be altered

--
Some pre-cautions
- whenever I want to BUY anything (esp clothes), imagine in conjunction with previously owned items for fit, unless I'm changing
- Do budget if I become crazy (nvr really happening right now though)
.. to be added

-L

Now I have never been surreptitious or tricky about meeting somebody; I just go right up and introduce myself. But in this case it was so important to meet this man, and I knew that before he would tell me any of his secrets on how to open safes, I would have to prove myself.

I found out where his room was - in the basement of the theoretical physics section, where I worked - and I knew he worked in the evening, when the machines weren't being used. So, at first I would walk past his door on my way to my office in the evening. I'd just walk past. A few nights later, just a "Hi." After a while, when he saw it was the same guy walking past, he'd say "Hi," or "Good evening."

A few weeks of this slow process and I see he's working on the Marchant calculators. I say nothing about them; it isn't time yet.

We gradually say a little more: "Hi! I see you're working pretty hard!"

"Yeah, pretty hard" - that kind of stuff.

Finally, a breakthrough: he invites me for soup. It's going very good now. Every evening we have soup together.

=) I should learn from Feynman, among other things.

-L

Shutter Island review

The Oscars, somehow, reminded me that I used to do movie reviews... (and also that I should check out some of the mentioned films) and I havent really done that in the last year... so since I just saw Shutter Island today, I'll do a little tidbit just to get myself back onto it.

Visuals: very nice. suspense is perfect to the T. Scorsese does not fail to impress

Story: in hindsight, amazing. during, one was too confused to feel that way XD <- which just shows how good it is. Once you know the ending, the different scenes made enough of an impact that you can recall them and piece together the puzzle too =)

Music: good music, but too much. Some parts the music was SO loud and SO unnecessary, but maybe that was done on purpose, considering the ending result... though during it was rather annoying bordering comical

Acting: It's Leo. It's Kingsley. We don't have any failures in this department. superb.

Overall: 8.5/10 (points off because I was confused way too much during + the music)

Next up: Alice in Wonderland XD - once again, hyped up, but Tim Burton shouldn't disappoint. heheh

-L

The eternal white space is ever so blank.

Co-op is a strange experience.

Last work term I was very relaxed all the time. I was often told to finish something in two days that I can finish in 30 minutes. I didn't really understand at that time that they wanted you to finish in 2 days... My dad told me about a co-op whose boss told him straight up that he should just take his time and get the work done in 2 days, not earlier, thank you very much.

This work term is slightly different: I have "on" times and "off" times. By "on" I mean I get swamped to my neck. Non-stop. This lasts for 4-5 days. Then suddenly I have nothing to do. It's not that there's nothing to be done. It's that there's nothing for "me" to do... I try to ask for work, but because of the type of work I do not have the company experience to deal with it the way they wanted it to be dealt with - which is understandable. My boss also told me that I would have such "off" times and I could work on my workterm report in the mean time - which reminds me I still need to meet with her about that. Hmmm ::notes down:: This also lasts for 4-5 days... in which time I am not motivated to do anything personal either - for example, pd, because... okay, pd sucks, but besides that, probably because I still feel apprehensive about using company time for these things for an extended amount of time - a minute or two is okay (even if productive).

I need to get over that.

I realize I have a lot of unused time. But unfortunately the emotional impact on the consequences of wasting time hasn't hit yet. Maybe I just don't care, period. This would be bad, and needs to be righted. But I feel so apathetic all of a sudden. I'm having a late-teen crisis. Eeeek. Good thing I don't game as much or as mindlessly as last month. I depend on emotional impact too much...

Speaking of which, I need to make a post about gaming (and its related ills) sometime, and maybe ddr too...

Okay. Back to work.

-L

Happy Spring Festival!

恭喜发财 红包拿来!

The Spring Festival show was decent this year (few good skits and awesome magic segment =]) but nothing spectacular.

Fortune to all,

-L

Happy New Year!

Yay 2010 =D

Note to self: remember resolution!

Much love to all. Have tons of this year/decade XD

-L