Weirdness 2 - Clarification for myself.

So I have a friend who seems to be very condescending of my dropping Writer's Craft... and rambles on about experiencing learning and getting more knowledge by taking a multitude of classes (she has no spares at all). You know, I suppose she wanted to make me feel guilty, or at least regretful of dropping the course... and maybe even a little ashamed of my supposed laziness.

Okay, I won't deny that I am quite lazy... I procrastinate profusely (but in the end I always accomplish what I intended to accomplish, and the quality of work is always quite good - maybe even BECAUSE of procrastination - she's not denying that of course... we have way too many of the same experiences together on that note). I guess I got stressed by the writer's craft course and its huge amount of writing needed...

but then I think back to Politics class... there was a lot of writing in that class too and most of it took me a very, very, very long time - perhaps more so than I would have done if I didn't care about it - the same with Writer's Craft (well not so much, I just kinda wanted to be proud of what I write when it comes to creative writing and such). The feeling while doing the work, however, is vey different. When I do Politics I feel an intense amount of suffering, like how the heck was I going to finish this, type of thing (every time, even after many times of successful completion). But at the same time, quite masochistically I suppose, I enjoyed doing the work. I enjoyed what I did in class, what I did at home, and everything we learned. I enjoed the pain, even. This is because I loved the material - it was diverse material that reflected the current events around me today, of things I always wondered about, and most importantly, it was something interesting... the perspectives new and refreshing. I also love the way the teacher presented the material, his cynical yet strangely hopeful perception of everything, even of us, the students.

Writer's Craft, on the other hand, was extremely boring. Okay, so I might have laughed some bits when the teacher told some personal funny joke... but the material itself has no gift or wit of humour... mostly dry humours about cliches and stuff of every day life... even the humour lacks interest... that's gotta be a new low... o wait, nvm. The teacher's way of teaching and gesturing irked me, but that I can deal with. His seriousness however, I can't. Not only is he serious about his teaching, about how students perceive his teaching - of course the gifties love him (I mean, he even asked US for advice before he did a lecture at the University of Ottawa a few weeks ago), but also he hides it behind a mask of zenness, of optimism, of eccentricities, of energy (he tried to "scare" us by screaming a bit during the first class... yawr, I know - of course everyone ate it up). Also the material. Now, I like writing as much as the next person, but I also experience writer's block surely more so than the next person. This was basically my goal for taking this class - staunch writer's block. But I find that this course merely increased the ferocity of my writer's block... if i write essays and analytical writing... well, there's bound to be a period of silence in my mind when I would wait for the ideas to come, they do - at the last moment, and I would write like a crazy person... seriously, it's quite funny... if it is witnessed in an objective point of view.

But creative writing is just a blank, whiter than paper, absolutely and totally nothing. If there IS something, it's crap. Like, it's not just "usually" crap, it IS crap, not ifs, ands, ors, buts, none of that. Usually I feel pain of the untouchable kind whenever that happens. And this just magnified during writer's craft assginments... and I don't even like it. I don't even know what I want to write; I feel no attachment, no emotion to my writing as I write... it's merely a dull robotic attempt at outputting a perferred style, percise diction, use of imagery, all that kind of stuff that should just flow and come out as they feel like, not forced. I cannot command my words like that.

Perhaps that is my problem, but I will deal with it. I certainly don't need a seriously prejudiced mind - to which he admits - to condition my writing into something like everyone else - regurgitated feelings, commonly unique phrases strung together to form a comfortable, acceptable, tasteful work.

Maybe I'm just bitter. Well, in that case, I'll have to write something.

-L

Weirdness

I feel empowered by my writer's craft excapade... and although I know I tend to want to drop courses on the fly... (like apparently WR... although I don't remember that) and Politics (not so much... it was more English... thank goodness I didn't drop this - however the feeling of hate for those two courses were short lived and I generally like the setting of the class - the round table discussions for example and the new fountain of knowledge, if I can use a cliche here... but Writer's Craft/English were taugh by two teachers who do not feel, to me, to be very good teachers - although MANY people would disagree with me... I suppose they just irked me the wrong way, w/e what's done is done, and I don't regret it... just like the sciences... now at least I know I shouldn't take any literature courses in uni unless the profs are totally awesome) ... I realized that I like really chill teachers (teachers who don't take teaching personally, who teach because they like what they're teaching and couldn't give a damn about if students like the course/them or not - it's quite inspirational, really), and also learning stuff by myself... not math though - I need an efficient teacher for math.

-L

AP Courses To Consider...

Macroeconomics (I luv this stuff)
Microeconomics (semi-<3)
Comparative Government and Politics (interesting... some harsh studying required)
Psychology (Hardcore studying for this... but rlly interesting)

Yes, I'm avoiding calculus... -__- I don't need any math right now... already have statistics, and not happy about it, lolz...

Problems: Ottawa suck and has no local AP coordinators that host these exams... how depressing... I wonder if I have the discipline to learn some of these stuff myself... first priority is to read though... a lot of things to read, if this doesn't go through... hehe XD

yawr it's not happening... no one hosts the exams I wanna take... o well, I'll just read on them myself =P always good to know stuff XDD heheh

-L

Reminder To Self

Dentist appointment on Wednesday at 5:00 PM =P

Not Kewl.

-L

AP Writer's Craft

Okay, I have dropped it... I know that wasn't expected... but you know, I just can't take so many english courses at the same time... This is just what happened last semester when I dropped AP English.

I now know that I am NOT made to do English... good thing I didnt apply to something with an intense amount of essays... haha

Anyway this semester is going to be sooooooooooooooo chill now ... I need to find a job XD

Two spares in the morning... wow, the nights shall extend even more now haha =P

-L

Tribute to the Kindly Ones

Between the Pedestals of Night and Morning
Between red death and radiant desire
With not one sound of triumph or of warning
Stands a great sentry on the Bridge of Fire.
O transient soul, thy thought with dreams adorning,
Cast down the laurel, and unstring the lyre:
the wheels of Time are turning, turning, turning,
The slow stream channel’s deep and doth not tire.
Gods on their bridge above
Whispering lies and love
Shall mock your passage down the sunless river
Which, rolling all it streams,
shall take you, king of dreams,
-Unthroned and unapproachable for ever-
To where the kings who dreamed of old
Whiten in habitations monumental cold.


-L

Stats

ok, am RLLY pissed about my stats mark... iz just... shameful... but I will definitely check with the teacher and see exactly what my marks are... hmmm we'll see.

-L

Resolved.

I'm gonna continue taking writer's craft... haha, I can handle it... just being late will be a problem... *sigh*

I should have a good final semester of grade 12. cheers all.

-L

Funny Thing

I find that I have said this many times: I could care less... which completely destroys the meaning of the sentence

well, I couldn't care less, I suppose.

happy writing.

-L

Resolution

It seems odd to write a resolution. Or to name it as such. But I just want to write down my current situation, what I want to do about it, and what outcomes will come of it... if it all goes as planned, more or less.

First, I don't like the writer's craft teacher... everyone fawns over him so much... perhaps I've just been sucked into the pretentiousness of it all... the reputation-seeking-ness, for the lack of a better phrase.

Why don't I like him? I don't think I can pin it down exactly, but I'll try. He's a great personality - strong voice and quite expressive and funny - qualities likely needed in a language teacher, especially when droning through pages after pages of shakespeare. But he seems flat. and full of rhetoric. Everything he says, everything he does, has sound of something from a book written by some famous dead guy. Of course, I feel the same way about the students in the class - when they have something to say, it sounds as if their words are long recycled, and are merely sounds, no longer thoughts. There is no substance in him, I find, of worth. And, although he is a lovely presenter, some of his expressive motifs gnaws on my nerves intensely.

So this brings me to my current situation, as it were: I want to drop writer's craft.
Now, why would this be a problem? Well, since I am already just taking three courses this semester, dropping another one would bring me to a total of two courses - which makes me a part-time high school student since I only have 5 courses in total for the whole year. It's no problem for graduation because I have 3 gr 12 courses from gr 11 (reach ahead) and I will have a total of about 31 courses at the end of high school, even if I drop it.

The problem is guidance. ahh... guidance. the nimbus realm of guidance (this is actually the writer's craft teacher's phrase but I use with discretion). They seem to frown on part-time students ... saying the reason as "funding issues" meaning the school don't get the same funding for part-time as full-time... which seems rather selfish, but then again, I am being so as well.

Also, I wonder if there's an issue with university admission processes with regards to this... I have already emailed the universities that I have applied to, to understand this issue more closely.

And I don't want to waste my time this semester, oh no. I have AP exam for statistics, at least, coming in May, which would get more reviewing time if I dropped writer's craft (this course is very intensive as it will definitely, I am sure, take up most, if not all, of my time) Also, I would like to read some stuff that I have been putting off (one recommended by a friend for the LONGEST time, I do apologize, and some others that I have interest in... maybe some classic fiction - I know that irks the mind as best noted by Mark Twain)

Now, what are my choices if I were to drop the course? If I don't want to be a part-time student: Drop and take philosophy - because it seems to be the only course that I CAN take (no sciences and I have already taken more of the other social sci/world issues courses)... and I would certainly like to take, since it is taught by my favourite teacher of all time. This path seems dead-end, however, because the nimbus realm of guidance has screwed up the schedules of everyone and people can no longer get into most of the classes because they are completely full (and if one were to compare with last semester one would find that most classes had about 13 people whereas this semester most classes have 33... that seems a little off, don't you think?) So not much hope for that.

Or I can drop and be a part-time student with whatever aftermath it entails.

Or I can take night school: no longer an option because of sign-up date on Feb 6 or something.

Or I can take internet school: don't want to.

Or I can just continue taking writer's craft and not so much suffer, but drain away my time.

Or... I don't know, maybe I'll get a job or something for the whole morning that I'm off from school... wonder if 2 hours is enough of a work time per day. We'll see.

So, I guess I'll talk to guidance on monday and work out the details. This should be a fun time indeed. -__-


-L