Stop Caring About Black Marks on a Sheepskin Paper

Sheepskin paper is referred to as the diploma - it was briefly mentioned in one of my HR classes - no idea how it's relevant but I like the expression so I'm using it.

The other day I was setting up my course schedule for the next 3 years of university life. I was quite happy because I was able to fit CO math major with marketing concentration with psych minor without going too much overboard - have to take 2 courses in winter co-op term and 1 term has six courses - no biggie.

But then I heard about statistics courses related to survey design and experimental design, which are things I'm interested in... but I had always rejected stats other than the required courses for my degree because I hated probability.

I reviewed my course schedule and noticed a lot of the courses I'm taking are to satisfy a requirement, not because I'm interested in the course material - this applies to 50% of the psych minor courses.

I noticed for CO and marketing that the choices I picked are for courses I could find interesting/useful (mostly interesting, I don't much care about usefulness). So those 2 are going to stay, even though I am rather confuzzled on how CO is going to relate to what I do in the future - but who cares about that.

So I've decided to not do a psych minor - but still take social psych, social cognition, personality theory which are the courses I am still interested in.

I've also decided to take some design-based stat courses in order to help out my marketing research path.

But I just have to get rid of the mentality for having things written on my sheepskin paper in 3 years.

It's simply psychological.

-L

This magnificent machine...

Yesterday afternoon I planned to study for a midterm tomorrow... Then either something I ate or just stress piling up, I got hit by the mother of all migraines. I tried to work but I had to lie down in darkness for 5 hours to alleviate the intensity. I missed Euchre, which I feel bad about, and did not accomplish much studying, for which I'm sure I'll feel the repercussions.

I just felt the truth in Feynman's words, about the importance of this magnificent machine to allow me to do so many things I love. I've had headaches before but never ones so intense as to constitute a migraine. This physical body needs to be protected, even if later on I want to do risky things that promise interesting results, but I would never want to put this machine in a kind of danger that I would regret.

Sigh. I hope I can make up for the time lost tomorrow.

-L

Sigh

Failure cannot be avoided...

On a side note, even for short messages like these, I would not use twitter... it's too public... there's twitter LIVE FEED... holy smokes.

-L

It's a brand new world...

no more calculus!!!

no more lin alge (forgot to update earlier...teehee)!!!

-L

CogSci

Failure is inevitable... Whaaa I just want this day to be OVERRRRR =[ BAD

On alternate news, last night's Dragonette concert was BLOODY AWESOME!!! As good as expected, maybe better =] Got signature!!! Yeah I now have experienced a moment of groupie mentality XD omggg cute drummer boy!!! <3

-L

Gone is the Wisdom, in Place: Pain and Suffering...

Wednesday:

7:25 AM: Wake... eat nothing. brush teeth.

8:05 AM: Get to Dental Surgeon office about 5 minutes late. Fill out insurance... Make new appointment.

8:05 - 8:15?AM: Wait (two others are called in, presumably just checking (because they've already done the deed...)

8:15 - 8:40?AM: Administrative work in THE Chair. Signing the waiver...

8:40ishAM: Inject THE Drug into IV placed on the BACK OF MY HAND... the needle was quite painful... the nurse goes: the worst part is over...

She says, "Think of a peaceful place..."

10:30?AM: I am in a different chair, reclined, in a different room, presumably the waiting to leave room... nurse gives me an ice pack to my face... there are tissue-like gauze sticking out of my mouth...

First thought: who carried me here? what happened.

About 5 minutes later, Mom is ushered in... we stay for 20 minutes more. After I am able to walk to a garbage can 2 meters away and back, I am deemed okay and discharged.

We go home... I take one of the Tylenol 3 given by the surgeon. Mom goes to buy painkillers/antibiotics.

I am fine. Feel no pain. Ice pack is very cold...

2-3 Hours later, I go to washroom to change gauze... apparently standing up combined with that Tylenol I took hours ago was a bad combination... It was chocolate pudding... at least I had relatively good aim...

I am lying down for most of the day... I am bored at night, so I get on computer... lamenting ensues...


Thursday (Now):

8:00AM: I am awakened. Possibly by the light shining through my window? My mouth aches but otherwise pain is reduced from the day before.

9:00AM: I get up, take out gauze, walk around for a bit, get on computer (made Chen morbid)... listened to music... took antibiotic. Waiting for food to cool... which brings me to now... I'm gonna go eat...

To be continued... (maybe)

-L

Without You

For one memorable part of my past:

...
Called you up cause its been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together
...


<3
-L

I got pwned.

CS.
Never will share anything again.

My already down mark is gonna get another kick in the nuts -_-

and that letter... I'm so f'ed.

Well, I guess I'll never do that again.

Hopefully I learn.

-L

getting a life.

okay, so this semester, I'm in homestretch now, and a lot of major problems is happening and iz just generally pissing me off something awful, but that's not the point.

what IS the point is that I realized I need to get a life. Yes, that is my goal for next semester. a life is in serious need ... or I know I am going to crash and burn.

What does a life mean?

Well, considering I'm feeling very low motivation towards doing work... what the hell made me think math degree is a good idea? I am losing focus on the big picture - if there is indeed one... and the specific details are not helping the situation. i just feel no purpose. and that isn't helpful.

i have to give myself something to help pass through this university life. because i know if i don't i am going to succumb to weakness... run away, all that jolly good stuff -__-

anyway, just 20 more days left to go... why does it feel so exhausting ='( Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and mechanically go through the motions... and it might last okay for a while, but then I'll prolly off myself ... so bad idea.

oh hell, i hope this deranged emoness dies soon... I so need to go home this wkend >.>

-L

p.s. i did something rlly stupid today as well... first flash of weakness.

Life Experience

The last time I cried was about grade 10 I think. For some trivial reason that isn't relevant until this moment.

Well technically I've cried twice in a week now. Today has been a trying day. I am in the midst of it as I type this.
I've decided that I am crying because I miss home... even though I've only lived at Toronto home for 2 months... but that is definitely what I mean. I miss everything that comforted me. It's not even because I'm intimidated by school anymore. I've decided that excelling is no longer important... and yet I still cry. The sounds I make are strange to me, and it just makes me cry more.
I'm looking for the peace that such storms promise at the end. But they dont come, and I continue the storm.

I want to go home. But most importantly, I want to not want to go home. I want to not feel this. Not be affected by every little thing. My nose is congested now. I know that if I have enough will and shut my mouth I would be able to stop all this.

One thing is for sure, I'm not ladylike in crying at all. Violent is the best way to describe this experience right now.

I guess I should go back to reading about stocks and bonds again...

tears are of the moment. and I so desire the moment right now. think of nothing else...

-L

Waterloo. First look.

Well, this is indeed a strange experience. my roommate already refers to our dorm as home after 1 day of existence here... I STILL can't imagine that I will be living here for 8 months consecutively and 5 yrs in total... shocking. This place feels like camp, as my roommate first put it... and as time went on I begin to feel a bit of china camp in this place... altho the shower stalls are MUCH better XD

Caf - same food every day - I know I will get sick of it soon, very soon. thanks lisa for the not-so-comforting heads up =P
Washrooms - passable. they have cheap toilette paper... but usually there's not many ppl in there (or maybe cuz iz frosh week) but hopefully it stays as quiet (whenever I go to shower/etc) during the year
Room - big. 3 windows. am on the edge of a quad so I see in 3 directions clearly and am VERY close to all those lovely buildings =P
Lounge - quite nice - altho WAY more active during the wee hours of the night than during the day ... >.> hopefully thaz just frosh
Rez - pretty good. I find it better than REV (even tho they get lamps and full size mirrors) because their halls/rooms feel so motel-like (not even hotel-like =P)

The People - some are kindred spirits, some are not. that's to be expected. but there seemed to be a similar person to almost every person I've known in HS... SCARRRY... the world doesnt vary that much, I guess.

The Campus - Well... I've only seen the north of UW and a section of WLU... UW is better - feels more like a school instead of a couple of buildings along the side of a main road >.> ... the MC/DC buildings are kewl - wOOp.

We shall see what happens during the school year. Am scared of calc/alg... also freaked about biz (the presentation they gave was startling... meh XD) ... but generally dont feel too bad - even tho I feel I shud... maybe this is a bad sign... we'll see what happens XD

Overall I like my place. it's quite nice ... altho frosh is a bit over the top, and I'm just too antisocial for those events XD

Anyway, gonna have my ELPE in 2 hours... hope I pass.

-L

CA Conference at Carlton

I was quite surprised and I wholly enjoyed the experience. The food was good. The people were nice and business-y although they didn't flaunt it ... at least not the "Career Model" that sat beside me... I didn't know until the end that he was a CFO of some airline company... geez -__- (I'm sure he mentioned it while he was introducing himself but he didn't put much emphasis on it so I didn't notice... but wow)

The presentations were good. I liked the inspirational speaker - cuz I was the volunteer, heheh yay for picking 5! cuz the number is pi! roflz. Anyway it was the first time I was a volunteer for anything, especially for a magic trick... yupyup =P good experience!

Definitely worth the time and money... which I haven't paid yet which I'll have to do tmr, no worries. And of course, even worth waking up so early in the morning.

I suppose the only downer of the experience was the weather... damn storm pushed the conference back 45 mins (although it still worked out in the end). Also discouraged half the people from showing up - which is a good thing though.

Much love to the CA profession - I'll definitely keep that thought in my horizon, as I go through university...

-L

Day of Semi-Relaxation

I got yelled at for being home at 9:30 pm but I still wholly enjoyed my day/evening =) ... but I mean, c'mon - 9:30 pm is HARDLY late -__- at 11 I can understand... it would take me 30 mins to get home from a closing library (if I was there) anyways... geez. I'm never gonna have kids XD

In any case, cuz I was feeling stressed and bored and whatever else is on my plate (psyche mostly) I decided to go with a friend to Rideau mall till 6 pm (having stayed in school till 4 to do some work, so it was productive).
We ate some food - NY fries for me lolz =) yuuum... I spend like $10 today (on the poutine and a yogurt from yogen fruit ... NEVER do kiwi + wuzever that berry was... not kewl) but I'm totally cool with it =) the company was great and the atmosphere was fab =D I <3 it

Then I got coaxed into going to the Chess Club at Ottawa U... it was strangely great. There wasn't any excitement or anything... but the company - all uni guys (with a lot to say =P) were AWESOME. It feels good to be with them - like any kind of stress disappears and such... there's a strange sort of serenity - and as Linda described it - they are like an older brother's best friend type of people

<3 it.

I'll be going to Chess every wednesday from now on... a weekly dose of fun comfort in the middle of boredom and stress from hell known as school.

now I go do my poli assignment

cheerioz XD

-L

Realy, Really Pathetic.

I am so gonna die in university.
Why?
I get shaky mailing a letter.
Yes.
That's right.
It took me 5 whole minutes to write the address - very un-neat I must say... althought I did write everything letter/number in a GIGANTIC way... =__= My hand likes to shake.
The return address took 1 minute to write... very tilted, but who cares... hopefully the post people don't mistake that for the mail-to address and return the mail back to me... that would SUCK. (and yes, it is written on top left hand side... underneath the big huge ALGONQUIN COLLEGE logo... it was the only envelope I had in disposal, ok -_-)
The actual mail ... man I cannot sign my name for shit. Normally when I sign on unimportant stuff, anywhere, it's perfect, fine and dandy. But when I actually have to sign something for official purposes... my hand, yes folks, you guessed it, shakes... and my signature just looks retarded... like seriously, the lines are all in the wrong places! =(
This is obviously NOT good if I want to have consistent signature for all my future life... ACCKKK... I probably need to take a class in this or something...
Need more confidence in everything I do... =3

I call mailing a letter an EXPERIENCE. like one for the book of suffering.
Pathetic. -sulks in corner-

Now tomorrow, I have to get the stamps and -___- this is depressing.

-L