okay, so this semester, I'm in homestretch now, and a lot of major problems is happening and iz just generally pissing me off something awful, but that's not the point.
what IS the point is that I realized I need to get a life. Yes, that is my goal for next semester. a life is in serious need ... or I know I am going to crash and burn.
What does a life mean?
Well, considering I'm feeling very low motivation towards doing work... what the hell made me think math degree is a good idea? I am losing focus on the big picture - if there is indeed one... and the specific details are not helping the situation. i just feel no purpose. and that isn't helpful.
i have to give myself something to help pass through this university life. because i know if i don't i am going to succumb to weakness... run away, all that jolly good stuff -__-
anyway, just 20 more days left to go... why does it feel so exhausting ='( Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and mechanically go through the motions... and it might last okay for a while, but then I'll prolly off myself ... so bad idea.
oh hell, i hope this deranged emoness dies soon... I so need to go home this wkend >.>
-L
p.s. i did something rlly stupid today as well... first flash of weakness.
2 comments:
lemme take a stab at answering your question "What does a life mean?" - though by no mean do i claim that my answer would be complete or correct.
life => a life goal. some kind of meaning that you find for yourself, that defines you and that defines every action in your life. i.e. once you find/define your goal, every moment of your life can be seen as something that moves you closer to that, or that you can link your actions to. i'm saying it as if you have to adhere to the big plan perfectly - but that's very difficult. I think it's the general idea that counts, and whenever you think about "why the hell am i doing this?" you know the answer - it fits into the big picture. and when you're making a decision, you'd think "which choice is more consistent with my main goal?"
"get a life" => you need a personal project to work on, one that you can justify doing, and that is consistent with the "big picture"
now i need to add a disclaimer: i probably don't really know what i'm talking about. it sounds nice, though =P
I agree. it sounds nice and it seems right.
I think it's the purpose that I want. Something to give meaning to the pointless things that I do now... which would make them not pointless...
Gotta find it soon XD
=)
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