Some thoughts on the new year

... these come to mind when I think of a new beginning (technically there are no new beginnings, but w/e I like the ring of it):

Talk to more people (in general).
Make some new friends. (seriously lacking skill in this department)
Get involved. Must make time.
Study just a couple beats ahead instead of on the beat >.> which is what I feel like I did before... very exhausting, and unhealthy in the long run - also not good for retaining info.
Do assignments a few days before instead of the day before - very annoying.
Get organized. Hmm broad eh XD

Take some time off to do stuff instead of lazying around.
Do some sports. Or my body will melt into a goo of immobility.
etc etc.

We'll see how you go, 2009.

-L

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone have lots of fun this holiday season =)

Best wishes.

-L

Happy Birthday!

to Lisa,

may you make all your desires come true. =)

...one year at a time, man =P

-L

Without You

For one memorable part of my past:

...
Called you up cause its been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together
...


<3
-L

Home.

Not gonna think about anything academic anymore.

Time to get some beauty sleep... and play =)

quote of the moment:
If I say hi and you say hi back, then we're probably off to a good start.

CS take 2

I am dead.

-L

CS

so... I've calculated my approx lvl of doomness... I wont fail unless I fail the exam >.>

I guess that's comforting T_T

Anyway, gonna start studying now.

Reading everything................. how can i ever be ready for this T_T

-L

Pesta

-L

okay, some issues again.

this should ring a warning bell sign... it's just so used by me now >.>

Anyway, so I was doing econ exam... and I had one hr left and I was like maybe I want to check over everything... I read a few q's and I'm like fuuuck this I dont care - too anticlimatic and I'm not interested in reducing my already strained sanity into more futility...

so I saw that certain person had left.

So I was like... okay I am definitely leaving, no way am I staying longer XDD Who says I need to -________-

this is the extend of my being pathetic to the max.

p.s. yay, new tag. XD

-L

not too much of a waste of life, but almost.

econ. how I overestimated you. again.

now I shall relax and sleep and wait for true hell - cs.

-L

waste of my life x2

just like biz, calc has proven to be a waste of study time... absolutely pointless...

it wasn't hard... and once again i concentrated on the wrong thing - I just I just have a tendency to misinterpreting every prof/TA w/e XD

Anyway, now I'm going to do another all-nighter doing econ yayyyyyy soooo funnnnnn i mean i can't even express how FUUUUUUUN it's going to be...

just watch me concentrate on the wrong things AGAIN >.<

-L

Studying for calc feels like self-induced torture.

I dont think this is how it should be...

I feel like I'm not remembering anything... and to stop this kinda torture I am blogging like 3 times in one day -__- geez that definitely doesnt help
I want it to be over with but I also want to do decently well... but that is becoming more and more impossible... this exam is also worth 60% which just means I'm more f'ed that usual... how tragic

Anyway I'm just mindlessly writing random crap now and nothing is really making sense; at least I still go for proper punctuation grammar >.> but obviously nothing else...


Anyway I think I'll go back to trying to stuff info into my head and tmr morning i'm going to crash and burn and forget everything... 9AM exams are NOT fun ... oh well we'll see what happens

time to do the best that i can with my cursory knowledge of calculus >.>

this xmas will be consisting of me rethinking math >.> ...reevaluation why I'm here and whether those reasons are valid to continue investment ... which is feeling closer and closer to failure by the moment...

::sigh:: bad decisions just keep coming and coming.

-L

怎么办

- S.H.E.

怎么办哦怎么办
为什么你为什么
老是把空气全都吸光了
害得我你害得我
在你面前呼吸急促需要叫救护车

别看我先别看我
我的脸红就快要爆料了
没什么哪有什么
我是绝对不会承认我喜欢你了

怎么办感觉甜又酸
偷偷爱你快乐又孤单
怎么办爱却不能讲
你真讨厌不来帮我的忙

你怎么可以这样笑容打败太阳
甚至比我还要更好看
我虽然无力抵挡但是日子还长
总有一天换你为我疯狂

为什么你为什么
这样不讲理的就出现了
害得我你害得我
连仅有的一点矜持优雅全都毁了
靠近我别靠近我
到底离你多近比较好呢
完蛋了我完蛋了
我整个人眼看就快不是我的了

怎么办感觉甜又酸
偷偷爱你快乐又孤单
怎么办爱却不能讲
你真讨厌不来帮我的忙
...

song: 怎么办

-L

Before 2 (well, 3, but meh), After 2

Biz - totally wasted my time studying for this... it was not hard and i concentrated on all the wrong things... and even then iz not hard so you can imagine ... complete waste of time

...and because of this:
alge - fucked. didnt know how to do last q worth 11/90 marks... and will definitely get a lot of the other q's wrong cuz i'm just like that ... wasnt rlly into the checking up stuff thing... hopefully i get a decent mark... decent is all i ask for, oh high and mighty alge deities... surprisingly the proofs werent that hard... but the solving ones were... lez just stop here.

to look forward to:

calc - fucked. the exam looks hardcore and I'm not in the best condition to be studying/focusing -__- hopefully i get my act together in the nxt 5 mins after i post this

econ - shud be okay, but i'm prolly jinxing myself to hell right here, but whatever I'll deal with that. just have to learn the stuff after midterm2 and then review the first two - hopefully i retained some knowledge and didnt just forget everything i've spent so much time doing... XDDD help me MC gods XD

hopefully i dont get owned by calc THAT much and i'll have a clear mind tmr to cram for econ XD ...

then after:
rest

+

HARDCORE cs studying... I dont fucking care, I am going to fucking own that fucking son of a bitch exam... I have no choice.

at least I have a drive/reason to pwn it =P

then after that - home. rest. do as lisa suggested. then rest some more. hang with some ppl. tho i cant go back to ottawa =( ... will have myself a fucking great x-mas and then pwn nxt sem XDDD cept I'll get owned by trying to get a job... but we'll see XD

-L

What's been keeping me alive:

New York New York - Liza Minelli & Luciano Pavarotti

yes...

well actually it doesnt work anymore... so that kinda sux =(

-L

Okay, definitely f'ed.

Am reading the BIZ txtbk + lab manual = extent of my studying... because it's basically what the review sheet asks me to do...

Osmosis is NOT working =(

:: dies ::

tmr will be alge study time, hopefully THAT will be more productive... ahhh i just want to get it over with... even tho i know at this state i might as well kiss all possible marks good bye =(

:: silent scream ::

xmas, give me some relief... I swear I'm going to sleep like the dead for 2 wks after exams... >.>

MAJOR shut-eye.

till then my beloved sleep, I shall slave away till wee hours of the morn. ::hanky::

-L

P.S. it appears to me that I've done quite a fair share of mindless droning on this blog... about time that I labeled it as such - I know I'm late... but, well, fuck that. XD

Nothing new.

so my exam schedules are pretty interesting - I'm just starting to study, cuz I procrastinate to maximum proportions, hopefully I dont get f'ed XD

Biz - Fri 6:30 PM
Alge - Sat 12:30 PM

Calc - Tues 9:00 AM
ECON - Wed 9:00 AM

CS - Tues Dec 16 12:30 PM

yawr... no high achieving need here. XD

Except CS - that must be pwned.

and Econ too - cuz I need to feel good about myself -_-

happy procrastinating XD

-L

I got pwned.

CS.
Never will share anything again.

My already down mark is gonna get another kick in the nuts -_-

and that letter... I'm so f'ed.

Well, I guess I'll never do that again.

Hopefully I learn.

-L

getting a life.

okay, so this semester, I'm in homestretch now, and a lot of major problems is happening and iz just generally pissing me off something awful, but that's not the point.

what IS the point is that I realized I need to get a life. Yes, that is my goal for next semester. a life is in serious need ... or I know I am going to crash and burn.

What does a life mean?

Well, considering I'm feeling very low motivation towards doing work... what the hell made me think math degree is a good idea? I am losing focus on the big picture - if there is indeed one... and the specific details are not helping the situation. i just feel no purpose. and that isn't helpful.

i have to give myself something to help pass through this university life. because i know if i don't i am going to succumb to weakness... run away, all that jolly good stuff -__-

anyway, just 20 more days left to go... why does it feel so exhausting ='( Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and mechanically go through the motions... and it might last okay for a while, but then I'll prolly off myself ... so bad idea.

oh hell, i hope this deranged emoness dies soon... I so need to go home this wkend >.>

-L

p.s. i did something rlly stupid today as well... first flash of weakness.

So my blog is a Doer's Blog...

ESTP - The Doers
[ESTP]

The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.
Analysis
This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.

Okay, I dont know how to import this chart... because it's not an image >.> oh wellz, iz pretty much a green triangle on the left >.>

-L

P.S. I am SOOO not a Doer >.> As proof, I've sat in this spot for ... at least 5 hours >.>

There is no certainty.

only opportunity.

-L

Major Effing Issues.

Okay, so this is the first weekend where I don't have a midterm to study for on monday...
but that's not saying much considering next week is the last week of classes... >.> so my prog is f'ed up. XD

But saying that just makes me feel even more stupid and useless... because I have not yet accomplished anything <.< ...

It's not that I don't want to. It's probably because I have no courage. But mostly it's because I am frozen. And I run. Yes I'm a moving snowperson >.> My humour is gone to hell recently too... so that's probably not a good sign... When that leaves me, I might as well be nonexistent.

Must drown self in sorrows by shopping until my checkbook bleeds XD no, but prolly not. XD

Anyway I'm seriously considering the chicken way out of this... to partially ease myself, but it's sooo against my dignity... >.> sigh, I dont think I have much of that left either.
But maybe that's a good thing.

Anyway, 3 more assignments + Presentation, and iz EXAM TIME.

Can't wait for first semester to be over.

Can't wait for a new beginning. Maybe then I can change.

-L

Decision

nothing.

... haha, f that =P
and I dont mean "function" that >.>

the feeling of giving up is not worth it. XD

-L

Hm.

I am contemplating something.
You can't lose what you put in the middle.

Suppose I want to win something...

choices, choices...

-L

So tired.

I don't get algebra.
Business bores me to death.
Calculus... I don't even want to think about it.
CS ... can go to hell. In fact, it has >.>
I am doomed for ECON.

-L

Life Experience

The last time I cried was about grade 10 I think. For some trivial reason that isn't relevant until this moment.

Well technically I've cried twice in a week now. Today has been a trying day. I am in the midst of it as I type this.
I've decided that I am crying because I miss home... even though I've only lived at Toronto home for 2 months... but that is definitely what I mean. I miss everything that comforted me. It's not even because I'm intimidated by school anymore. I've decided that excelling is no longer important... and yet I still cry. The sounds I make are strange to me, and it just makes me cry more.
I'm looking for the peace that such storms promise at the end. But they dont come, and I continue the storm.

I want to go home. But most importantly, I want to not want to go home. I want to not feel this. Not be affected by every little thing. My nose is congested now. I know that if I have enough will and shut my mouth I would be able to stop all this.

One thing is for sure, I'm not ladylike in crying at all. Violent is the best way to describe this experience right now.

I guess I should go back to reading about stocks and bonds again...

tears are of the moment. and I so desire the moment right now. think of nothing else...

-L

Homer song

"dough - the stuff, that gets me beer
ray - the guys that sells me beer,
me - the guy, that drinks the beer,
far - a long run to get the beer...
so - i'll have another beer...
la - i'll have another beer...
tea? no thanks i'm drinking beer!
that would bring us back to DOUGH!"

-Homer Simpson

-L

One Month Review

okay, so university started off pretty slow, but it sped up in like one week. so that was surprising.

assignments - I stay up till 3 am on a regular basis... thus that is a bad thing. must correct in the near future.
tests - i dont want to talk about it
and I have nothing else to say...

note to self - sign up online for stockmarket competition DURING THE WKEND!!! pay money!!

PS: life is good. =)

9 hrs and 30 mins before first day of CLASS

Yup. It's looming in front of me like a fog of festering mosquitoes. Somehow, that can make sense.

I feel apprehensive, I suppose. Or, I feel calm. What I almost want to feel but not get make it there is apathy. It is unfortunate.

Anyway, I don't have most of my textbooks - need to get them fast. Need to opt out of insurance. Need to do laundry. Need to find my iPod plug thingie - or find out where it is so I can feel whichever way about it when I know.

But all in all, uni life is going okay so far. =)
Hope it lasts.

-L

Waterloo. First look.

Well, this is indeed a strange experience. my roommate already refers to our dorm as home after 1 day of existence here... I STILL can't imagine that I will be living here for 8 months consecutively and 5 yrs in total... shocking. This place feels like camp, as my roommate first put it... and as time went on I begin to feel a bit of china camp in this place... altho the shower stalls are MUCH better XD

Caf - same food every day - I know I will get sick of it soon, very soon. thanks lisa for the not-so-comforting heads up =P
Washrooms - passable. they have cheap toilette paper... but usually there's not many ppl in there (or maybe cuz iz frosh week) but hopefully it stays as quiet (whenever I go to shower/etc) during the year
Room - big. 3 windows. am on the edge of a quad so I see in 3 directions clearly and am VERY close to all those lovely buildings =P
Lounge - quite nice - altho WAY more active during the wee hours of the night than during the day ... >.> hopefully thaz just frosh
Rez - pretty good. I find it better than REV (even tho they get lamps and full size mirrors) because their halls/rooms feel so motel-like (not even hotel-like =P)

The People - some are kindred spirits, some are not. that's to be expected. but there seemed to be a similar person to almost every person I've known in HS... SCARRRY... the world doesnt vary that much, I guess.

The Campus - Well... I've only seen the north of UW and a section of WLU... UW is better - feels more like a school instead of a couple of buildings along the side of a main road >.> ... the MC/DC buildings are kewl - wOOp.

We shall see what happens during the school year. Am scared of calc/alg... also freaked about biz (the presentation they gave was startling... meh XD) ... but generally dont feel too bad - even tho I feel I shud... maybe this is a bad sign... we'll see what happens XD

Overall I like my place. it's quite nice ... altho frosh is a bit over the top, and I'm just too antisocial for those events XD

Anyway, gonna have my ELPE in 2 hours... hope I pass.

-L

2 Weeks Away

Holy crap, wtf happened to summer vacation? Well it's gone now and no use thinking back on time wasted and productivity reaching below 0 levels. Meh.

Anyway here's a reminder to myself:
Buy stuff. a Lot of stuff. Now.
- Cell.
- Maybe Laptop
- Stuff listed on package XD

Pack. Hope it all fits in the car >.>

Feeling doom -___-

-L

Livejournal. Reflection 1.

I'm putting Reflection 1 because I'm assuming that I will have further reflections as I continue using the web service.

so certain person has been suckered into LJ because of a fanfic she's been avidly reading, and reminding me constantly of her addiction... indeed. =P so I decided to try it too to see if the buzz is deserved, since I've heard about it from other sources as well - and also from that certain fanfic that I've had to read occasionally under strict force by certain person.

Anyway, 3 things come to mind:

1 - way too messy. you can't really decipher between your own site and your friend's site, or your own post from random other posts... + the organization is crappy.

2 - the backgrounds are awesome. better than blogger; professional or artistic - take your pick.

3 - i hate that i can't change my site title and stuff - like I can here. i enjoy the freedom of change =P

... overall though I will definitely use blogger more, because LJ needs some more getting used to at the moment... it will be my window towards the soul of certain person then... =P

happy blogging, whatever you use.

-L

My Next Life

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then you start work by receiving a gold watch the first day.
You work forty years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for high school: drink, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then......
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then.......
You finish off as an orgasm.
The case is rested.



-L (but I didnt write this, of course... it's too awesome to pass up XD) hope you fellow bloggers/surfers enjoyed it XD

Last Day Of School: Reflections.

4 yrs of high school just flashed by so fast. I never felt totally attached to the school, so I guess the nonexistent feeling of sadness is just a symptom of that apathy. I know I've definitely changed during high school, who doesn't? But not so much as completely changed, as just slightly molded into a older person... I won't say mature, because that's not what I am at all, haha. I made some great friends, close friends that I won't ever forget even if I wanted to. I met some people whose existence I'm grateful for. I've done a lot of things, and experienced circumstances and feelings never before possible.

But I don't feel sad. I feel a sort of wonder at the people I know now and what they will go on to accomplish. I see us meeting as adults in a different world, and the strange emotions that will tie to them. I think it would be a fun thing to see, if it ever happens, and I certainly hope so.

This separation in the path, overgrown with exotic and new feelings and circumstance, will lead to our finding and growing into our selves. It's quite an ethereal feeling, and I hope that everyone achieves whatever they may desire.

Much love to all who were there for the ride and best wishes to everyone.

Of course, to LX, who will continue being there for the ride =P... *LOVE*

Goodbye, Lisgar08!

-L

Something Over, Something Begins... everything f'ed

Well... I finished my AP exams last two weeks... so that's a relief. now before i can even breathe easy, I have acc summ and eng summ (thank goodness iz been pushed back to next week)

I've wasted the long weekend playing a certain RPG game... lolz... no it's not that one. i would kill myself if it was that again... haha anyway i just feel that my life is a big mary-go-round and i'm getting tired of the routine, even the stress... which used to be something out of the ordinary has now become a normality. i've been sleeping wayyy too late and waking up wayyy to late, and my body is feeling the strain - i've had a cold for 2 weeks now... a friend said i shud check for sars but i think iz just my bad sleeping and eating habits.

also, i've been drifting more and more into my other world - which i had occasionally stepped into before (esp on long bus rides, hopefully scenic)... but now i'm deeper into it and spend longer periods of time there than is healthy for a sane person, i s'pose i just need the higher dosages (no, i'm not doing drugs -_-)

and that game is not helping.

i really like something a char said tho: "I got into gambling because gambling is like life in little bursts. Life is a big gamble, you know."

I know it's nothing special or unique or new, but it's definitely a good thought to hold onto... and I just realize my left hand takes over more than half of the keyboard space.. I mean I even use my left hand to press Y as well as B... at least H is part of my right hand territory...

I wish I could still write with my left hand...

-L

Fight Club Warning

"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this is useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned... Tyler"

appears in the DVD release for only a second after the legal disclaimers... kewl eh?

-L

Zeitgeist

So I've just watched the Zeitgeist, which is a Really good movie.
It talks about some of the conspiracies, focusing mostly in USA today... I've heard about some of them and I've written them off as dumb ideas that are obviously too absurd to be true... surely? Everyone around me, peers and teachers... have laughed them off as stupid ideas that cannot be true... using the same strain as thought as I do...

but.

the world really is going to hell in a handbasket... and I feel absolutely dumbfounded from the lack of knowledge and understanding that I have for the world around me... the media is even more of a brainwasher than I had previously thought... the world painted in the immediate future is absolutely scary. crazy and yet no one seems to be aware of it... soon we will welcome it with open arms. it is so fucked up. Why is the public - the American public mostly - being blind to this? This is really fucked up. I hope, sincerely, that none of the stuff shown in the Zeitgeist is true... but I feel that wishful thinking is the sin on my part. it's disgusting. the controllers of our nations ... worlds of democracy, free will, rights and liberties, all that beautiful stuff our forefathers have fought and died for... are bringing us to our knees... our economies, societies. yet we see nothing past the blinding propaganda of modern media... "you've got to get mad. you've got to say... I'm a human being goddamnit, my life has value!" ... it's so fucking stupid I cant even word my thoughts.......

God fucking damn it.

Anyway, here's what Bill Hick ends his show with... which was in part used in the end of the movie Zeitgeist:

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..." And we... kill those people. "Shut him up." "We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real."

Just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

This sums it up quite beautifully.

The world... how I ...

-L

Immediate Thoughts

basically i've forgotten all of my mathematical training... i suppose one year of repose is too much for something that cannot fix in my mind at first glance... there are some stuff that do fix...

this, instead of demoralizing me - although it did do that at first - has made me see more clearly what i'm made of... and what would make me feel better in the future, i suppose. i'm not the immortal absorber of info ppl may mistake me for... although sometimes i'm surprised by certain extend of my cramming skills... for subjects that retain in my mind... and then, there's math... absolutely no retaining skill whatsoever. i've forgotten the basics and although i can grasp concepts easily at first learning, i cannot recall them to my disposal in times of need. this is somewhat a paradox, but here's the proof, alas.

but i'm just currently in a state of calm. no stress. no hurry. it's certainly not the end of the world, just a rather helpful future-reference realization. -sigh- this lack of drive is quite troubling.

anyway, i think i'll just face whatever is ahead of me. in any case, all i can think of for the past hour is the food i'm going to eat tomorrow... pizza? burgers? sandwich? greek? ionno... it seems a rather out-of-place thought process, but it will not go away, nor would i want it to... maybe this is my escapist syndrome... hmm... at least it's towards something pleasant... maybe it's just a result of my hunger at the current moment. i donno. i feel the defeat in my bones, yet i've only done so to myself... perhaps mentally closing a few more doors within myself... if there were any open in the first place. now i'm not making any sense, maybe my subconscious just likes to write and write as if there is something important to say, even though my eyes can only follow the systematic scrolling of the letters as they appear via the magic of computer keyboard... i feel dull. the knife no longer wavers, the edge no longer sharp... how i wish for it to feel keen again.

maybe i'm just feeling drowsy from my nap... -yawn- yes i actually did at this very moment. hmm, a series of moments eh. whatever just doesnt cut it yet.

i'll see.

i feel like writing again.

-L

W. B. Yeats

so, for my english summative assignment (ISU) I have to analyze some poems by a poet of my choice and basically form an argument on how the poet saw the world... or whatnot... opinions on the subject depending on which poems I'm using...

I donno if i shud use similar poems or different ones... prolly different ones... because there are several (4) that I like by yeats.

anyway, for my personal record... these are the poems I'll be using:

Sailing to Byzantium
Lake Isle of Innisfree
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
The Circus Animals' Desertion

and maybe Aedh Wished for Cloths of Heaven - although it's a bit on the short side XD

-L

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

I've decided not to watch the first Vampire Hunter D movie because I saw some pics of it... the animation is TOO inferior to my current norm... and I dont think I can stand it, no matter how much it is praised.

Bloodlust, however, has way better graphics than the original, it goes without saying... and the storyline much better... not as stereotypical as the original, anyway. I've always thought of vampires as awesome, so that's prolly why I liked this storyline a lot.

D is awesome as per usual... the depiction is beautiful... I love the parasite hand - with his quirky remarks (note that I watched the English version... and I enjoyed it... I usually hate English versions =P)

Fight scenes - just wow. Yes, vampires against each other... hawtness. XDDD *whispery heart* lolz.

My favourite line: old man: now get out of here, I'm getting tired. seriously - it makes sense with context. It's a heartfelt and humourous scene all at once ^^

Anyway, definite good experience.

-L

Blood+

So I've watched this 50-episode series... and I'm gonna write a brief review of it... just so to write off this life-wasting chapter in my life.

This took an exceeding amount of time... altho only within 3 days ... I didnt sleep much, and nothing productive, needless to say, was accomplished during this mind-numbing anime session. Time to do some justice.

So I began watching this mostly because I wanted to see a vampire-based anime (and after I watched this I subsequently watched Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust - GOOD movie). So I began this series. It's quite slow at first, and the stories are relatively detached... but I LUVED the flashbacks... and it was quite artistically formed together, like mosaic. I appreciate the art work... definitely anime, but some realistic features, like BLOOD (yes bloooood), are very well done. I've seen Blood the Last Vampire... and altho the two are completely different in story, and general feel... I luv them equally for what they separately are.

Blood+ is more... PG. Not that there's no blood... sure there is plenty, and a rape scene (implied) no less. But the more anime-like drawings and lighter mood makes it pretty tamed. That is something I did not like. It's not vampire/dark/scary enough. But to its target audience, it's definitely a pretty good show... I lasted through 50 eps of it... it must be good =P

Plot - very well done. The past and present link nicely together. Although it was PRETTY predictable wuz going to happen, esp near the end... the amount of people that died and such were not. OOOO SOLOMON!!! The supposed "love triangles" and relationships are quite unorthodox... although I did not like the eventual (albeit implied, not rlly) pairings... w/e it was at the very end, so not much suffering on my part. Hehehe.

Characters - very vivid. each character stayed with personality, and each are pretty unique and likable. Character formation in terms of physical attributes and connection to storyline is very well done as well... I enjoyed the Queens concept. But the ending blood not working because of pregnancy... geez... that's pathetic. XD

Anyway I liked the main character, Saya. My favourite secondary character is Solomon. I LOVE THEM!!! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DIE!!! AND SUCH A PATHETIC DEATH TOO!!!

Okay, enough of that.

Anyway, I'll review some more stuff... for my own benefit.

-L

Strange Occurences...

I dont know... the state of affairs at school is just being mightily f'ed up right now. people's hatred and suspicions rising like a stiff fog...

it's strange. it takes so little to convince so many. and it saddens me, that this is the sort of world we live in. where hate is so easily brewed and spread. and people gather around it like a bonfire, the flickering flames reflected in their shadowed eyes... I dont want a world like this.

faith. such a gentle word, so hard to achieve. not the religious faith... but it definitely stems from similar roots... and sometimes one should have faith in someone else... and not immediately throw all kindness to the wind.

cruelty, thy name is man.

I wish for good health on you. your friends are here. =)

-L

Day After My Birthday.

So I'm 18 - big woop. -__- I still don't feel any significant change, as I suppose I should... oh well, iz all good, I like the way I feel now

and I had a lot of fun yesterday so it was a pretty good birthday =) <3333
nothing much to say, obviously...

I'll now be fully tried as an adult in any court. Ahaha

-L

Random Crap

so right, I've noticed that I like to insert random tidbits of stuff into my usually emo/normal diary-style bloggie... so what I am going to do is stop inserting those random tidbits (of poetry for example) and just stick with the journal crap... I will post any future tidbits (that word will soon die) in my Boggled 42 blog... I know I'm definitely going to change the goddamn name sometime... maybe

anyway, thaz that... and here's the address just so I have a record of it here for myself XD

www.boggled-42.blogspot.com

-L

CA Conference at Carlton

I was quite surprised and I wholly enjoyed the experience. The food was good. The people were nice and business-y although they didn't flaunt it ... at least not the "Career Model" that sat beside me... I didn't know until the end that he was a CFO of some airline company... geez -__- (I'm sure he mentioned it while he was introducing himself but he didn't put much emphasis on it so I didn't notice... but wow)

The presentations were good. I liked the inspirational speaker - cuz I was the volunteer, heheh yay for picking 5! cuz the number is pi! roflz. Anyway it was the first time I was a volunteer for anything, especially for a magic trick... yupyup =P good experience!

Definitely worth the time and money... which I haven't paid yet which I'll have to do tmr, no worries. And of course, even worth waking up so early in the morning.

I suppose the only downer of the experience was the weather... damn storm pushed the conference back 45 mins (although it still worked out in the end). Also discouraged half the people from showing up - which is a good thing though.

Much love to the CA profession - I'll definitely keep that thought in my horizon, as I go through university...

-L

Weirdness 2 - Clarification for myself.

So I have a friend who seems to be very condescending of my dropping Writer's Craft... and rambles on about experiencing learning and getting more knowledge by taking a multitude of classes (she has no spares at all). You know, I suppose she wanted to make me feel guilty, or at least regretful of dropping the course... and maybe even a little ashamed of my supposed laziness.

Okay, I won't deny that I am quite lazy... I procrastinate profusely (but in the end I always accomplish what I intended to accomplish, and the quality of work is always quite good - maybe even BECAUSE of procrastination - she's not denying that of course... we have way too many of the same experiences together on that note). I guess I got stressed by the writer's craft course and its huge amount of writing needed...

but then I think back to Politics class... there was a lot of writing in that class too and most of it took me a very, very, very long time - perhaps more so than I would have done if I didn't care about it - the same with Writer's Craft (well not so much, I just kinda wanted to be proud of what I write when it comes to creative writing and such). The feeling while doing the work, however, is vey different. When I do Politics I feel an intense amount of suffering, like how the heck was I going to finish this, type of thing (every time, even after many times of successful completion). But at the same time, quite masochistically I suppose, I enjoyed doing the work. I enjoyed what I did in class, what I did at home, and everything we learned. I enjoed the pain, even. This is because I loved the material - it was diverse material that reflected the current events around me today, of things I always wondered about, and most importantly, it was something interesting... the perspectives new and refreshing. I also love the way the teacher presented the material, his cynical yet strangely hopeful perception of everything, even of us, the students.

Writer's Craft, on the other hand, was extremely boring. Okay, so I might have laughed some bits when the teacher told some personal funny joke... but the material itself has no gift or wit of humour... mostly dry humours about cliches and stuff of every day life... even the humour lacks interest... that's gotta be a new low... o wait, nvm. The teacher's way of teaching and gesturing irked me, but that I can deal with. His seriousness however, I can't. Not only is he serious about his teaching, about how students perceive his teaching - of course the gifties love him (I mean, he even asked US for advice before he did a lecture at the University of Ottawa a few weeks ago), but also he hides it behind a mask of zenness, of optimism, of eccentricities, of energy (he tried to "scare" us by screaming a bit during the first class... yawr, I know - of course everyone ate it up). Also the material. Now, I like writing as much as the next person, but I also experience writer's block surely more so than the next person. This was basically my goal for taking this class - staunch writer's block. But I find that this course merely increased the ferocity of my writer's block... if i write essays and analytical writing... well, there's bound to be a period of silence in my mind when I would wait for the ideas to come, they do - at the last moment, and I would write like a crazy person... seriously, it's quite funny... if it is witnessed in an objective point of view.

But creative writing is just a blank, whiter than paper, absolutely and totally nothing. If there IS something, it's crap. Like, it's not just "usually" crap, it IS crap, not ifs, ands, ors, buts, none of that. Usually I feel pain of the untouchable kind whenever that happens. And this just magnified during writer's craft assginments... and I don't even like it. I don't even know what I want to write; I feel no attachment, no emotion to my writing as I write... it's merely a dull robotic attempt at outputting a perferred style, percise diction, use of imagery, all that kind of stuff that should just flow and come out as they feel like, not forced. I cannot command my words like that.

Perhaps that is my problem, but I will deal with it. I certainly don't need a seriously prejudiced mind - to which he admits - to condition my writing into something like everyone else - regurgitated feelings, commonly unique phrases strung together to form a comfortable, acceptable, tasteful work.

Maybe I'm just bitter. Well, in that case, I'll have to write something.

-L

Weirdness

I feel empowered by my writer's craft excapade... and although I know I tend to want to drop courses on the fly... (like apparently WR... although I don't remember that) and Politics (not so much... it was more English... thank goodness I didn't drop this - however the feeling of hate for those two courses were short lived and I generally like the setting of the class - the round table discussions for example and the new fountain of knowledge, if I can use a cliche here... but Writer's Craft/English were taugh by two teachers who do not feel, to me, to be very good teachers - although MANY people would disagree with me... I suppose they just irked me the wrong way, w/e what's done is done, and I don't regret it... just like the sciences... now at least I know I shouldn't take any literature courses in uni unless the profs are totally awesome) ... I realized that I like really chill teachers (teachers who don't take teaching personally, who teach because they like what they're teaching and couldn't give a damn about if students like the course/them or not - it's quite inspirational, really), and also learning stuff by myself... not math though - I need an efficient teacher for math.

-L

AP Courses To Consider...

Macroeconomics (I luv this stuff)
Microeconomics (semi-<3)
Comparative Government and Politics (interesting... some harsh studying required)
Psychology (Hardcore studying for this... but rlly interesting)

Yes, I'm avoiding calculus... -__- I don't need any math right now... already have statistics, and not happy about it, lolz...

Problems: Ottawa suck and has no local AP coordinators that host these exams... how depressing... I wonder if I have the discipline to learn some of these stuff myself... first priority is to read though... a lot of things to read, if this doesn't go through... hehe XD

yawr it's not happening... no one hosts the exams I wanna take... o well, I'll just read on them myself =P always good to know stuff XDD heheh

-L

Reminder To Self

Dentist appointment on Wednesday at 5:00 PM =P

Not Kewl.

-L

AP Writer's Craft

Okay, I have dropped it... I know that wasn't expected... but you know, I just can't take so many english courses at the same time... This is just what happened last semester when I dropped AP English.

I now know that I am NOT made to do English... good thing I didnt apply to something with an intense amount of essays... haha

Anyway this semester is going to be sooooooooooooooo chill now ... I need to find a job XD

Two spares in the morning... wow, the nights shall extend even more now haha =P

-L

Tribute to the Kindly Ones

Between the Pedestals of Night and Morning
Between red death and radiant desire
With not one sound of triumph or of warning
Stands a great sentry on the Bridge of Fire.
O transient soul, thy thought with dreams adorning,
Cast down the laurel, and unstring the lyre:
the wheels of Time are turning, turning, turning,
The slow stream channel’s deep and doth not tire.
Gods on their bridge above
Whispering lies and love
Shall mock your passage down the sunless river
Which, rolling all it streams,
shall take you, king of dreams,
-Unthroned and unapproachable for ever-
To where the kings who dreamed of old
Whiten in habitations monumental cold.


-L

Stats

ok, am RLLY pissed about my stats mark... iz just... shameful... but I will definitely check with the teacher and see exactly what my marks are... hmmm we'll see.

-L

Resolved.

I'm gonna continue taking writer's craft... haha, I can handle it... just being late will be a problem... *sigh*

I should have a good final semester of grade 12. cheers all.

-L

Funny Thing

I find that I have said this many times: I could care less... which completely destroys the meaning of the sentence

well, I couldn't care less, I suppose.

happy writing.

-L

Resolution

It seems odd to write a resolution. Or to name it as such. But I just want to write down my current situation, what I want to do about it, and what outcomes will come of it... if it all goes as planned, more or less.

First, I don't like the writer's craft teacher... everyone fawns over him so much... perhaps I've just been sucked into the pretentiousness of it all... the reputation-seeking-ness, for the lack of a better phrase.

Why don't I like him? I don't think I can pin it down exactly, but I'll try. He's a great personality - strong voice and quite expressive and funny - qualities likely needed in a language teacher, especially when droning through pages after pages of shakespeare. But he seems flat. and full of rhetoric. Everything he says, everything he does, has sound of something from a book written by some famous dead guy. Of course, I feel the same way about the students in the class - when they have something to say, it sounds as if their words are long recycled, and are merely sounds, no longer thoughts. There is no substance in him, I find, of worth. And, although he is a lovely presenter, some of his expressive motifs gnaws on my nerves intensely.

So this brings me to my current situation, as it were: I want to drop writer's craft.
Now, why would this be a problem? Well, since I am already just taking three courses this semester, dropping another one would bring me to a total of two courses - which makes me a part-time high school student since I only have 5 courses in total for the whole year. It's no problem for graduation because I have 3 gr 12 courses from gr 11 (reach ahead) and I will have a total of about 31 courses at the end of high school, even if I drop it.

The problem is guidance. ahh... guidance. the nimbus realm of guidance (this is actually the writer's craft teacher's phrase but I use with discretion). They seem to frown on part-time students ... saying the reason as "funding issues" meaning the school don't get the same funding for part-time as full-time... which seems rather selfish, but then again, I am being so as well.

Also, I wonder if there's an issue with university admission processes with regards to this... I have already emailed the universities that I have applied to, to understand this issue more closely.

And I don't want to waste my time this semester, oh no. I have AP exam for statistics, at least, coming in May, which would get more reviewing time if I dropped writer's craft (this course is very intensive as it will definitely, I am sure, take up most, if not all, of my time) Also, I would like to read some stuff that I have been putting off (one recommended by a friend for the LONGEST time, I do apologize, and some others that I have interest in... maybe some classic fiction - I know that irks the mind as best noted by Mark Twain)

Now, what are my choices if I were to drop the course? If I don't want to be a part-time student: Drop and take philosophy - because it seems to be the only course that I CAN take (no sciences and I have already taken more of the other social sci/world issues courses)... and I would certainly like to take, since it is taught by my favourite teacher of all time. This path seems dead-end, however, because the nimbus realm of guidance has screwed up the schedules of everyone and people can no longer get into most of the classes because they are completely full (and if one were to compare with last semester one would find that most classes had about 13 people whereas this semester most classes have 33... that seems a little off, don't you think?) So not much hope for that.

Or I can drop and be a part-time student with whatever aftermath it entails.

Or I can take night school: no longer an option because of sign-up date on Feb 6 or something.

Or I can take internet school: don't want to.

Or I can just continue taking writer's craft and not so much suffer, but drain away my time.

Or... I don't know, maybe I'll get a job or something for the whole morning that I'm off from school... wonder if 2 hours is enough of a work time per day. We'll see.

So, I guess I'll talk to guidance on monday and work out the details. This should be a fun time indeed. -__-


-L

Right Brian/Left Brain Quiz Result

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (8) Right Brain Dominance: (13) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

I just thought it was interesting =D

-L

These Divine Images...

The Divine Image

To Mercy Pity Peace and Love,
All pray in their distress:
And to these virtues of delight
Return their thankfulness.

For Mercy Pity Peace and Love,
Is God our father dear:
And Mercy Pity Peace and Love,
Is Man his child and care.

For Mercy has a human heart
Pity, a human face:
And Love, the human form divine,
And Peace, the human dress.

Then every man of every clime,
That prays in his distress,
Prays to the human form divine
Love Mercy Pity Peace.

And all must love the human form,
In heathen, turk or jew.
Where Mercy, Love & Pity dwell,
There God is dwelling too.

- Songs of Innocence

~

A Divine Image

Cruelty has a human heart,
And Jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
And Secresy the human dress.

The human dress is forged iron,
The human form a fiery forge,
The human face a furnace sealed,
The human heart its hungry gorge.

- Songs of Experience




... of William Blake

-L

À la claire fontaine

À la claire fontaine
M'en allant promener
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai
Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Sous les feuilles d'un chêne
Je me suis fait sécher
Sur la plus haute branche
Un rossignol chantait

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai
Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Chante rossignol chante
Toi qui as le cœur gai
Tu as le cœur à rire
Moi je l'ai à pleurer

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai
Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

J'ai perdu mon amie
Sans l'avoir mérité
Pour un bouton de roses
Que je lui refusai

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai
Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Je voudrais que la rose
Fut encore au rosier
Et moi et ma maîtresse
Dans les mêmes amitiés

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai
Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

À la claire fontaine
M'en allant promener
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné

- here because of The Painted Veil

-L

Happy New Year!

one day late, since I've been slacking on the blogging, but whatever.

have fun in 2008, I'll do my best to enjoy it ^^

<3

-L